Movies from A to Zukor

Because I was on such a roll of posting videos of myself last night, I'm doing it some more.



These are all 24 Calamity, which, regrettably, did not get to the point where we have our own TV show. But maybe one day all of us in it will! Or different TV shows. Both these guys are pretty talented.

My relationship to film/TV/viral stuff is ridiculous. I watch so much of it at home, I really love it, and I know from a career perspective I need to care more, but I just can't encourage myself to really push for a film career (EVERYONE WATCHING THESE VIDEOS SAYS 'AND A GOOD THING TOO!'). I just love theatre so much. That's what I like doing. I had a total blast doing these, and The Carswell Show, which is the TV show I was talking about in this blog post, but really it's not where my heart is. I'm just obsessed with theatre.

But maybe I'd like to do more of these kinds of things.... I don't know. Really, I have to do something, instead of endlessly talking about it and posting videos of myself.

I already posted our absolutely amazing parody of 'The Secret', that book that I talk about on this thing constantly but have never really read and kind of don't believe in, well, sometimes, but not really, here.



Our comments are kind of hysterical, if you go on YouTube and read them. People call us the devil because we make fun of things, and say we are going to hell and they hate us and all that. Kind of crazy. They've been up for a few years, and they have quite a number of views at this point. More people than have probably ever seen me perform onstage, in all the performances of all the plays I've done in my whole life. It's kind of amazing. I guess lots of people sit at home in bed all day and watch YouTube. Just like me!

I have two writing deadlines coming up soon, and I'm not in a great place with either of them. One I'm super super excited for, but it's not really an idea, it's not really an anything yet, just buzzing. And the other one I'm lost on. Have to do some work. Uh oh. Work? Me.

No, I'll just keep watching the Superbowl and never work ever. That sounds good too.

To Pay the Bills I Have to Pay

On my constantly rotating series of weird joe jobs is now 'prompter'. I help an actor learn his lines for a one man show. Today I provided this service en route to a wake in Oshawa. Round trip.

Yup, this is the life.

As bleak as my money-earning situation is, it is very amusing. Sometimes. Sometimes I just wish I had a small, steady trickle of quarters that were deposited by my bed. It's frustrating to me that I'll always be dependent on these silly, low paying things. I know I don't want to do anything else, but the joe job game gets me down.

Anyway....in real job news (or the job that I aspire towards news...acting really isn't my real job. It's my pretend job), I started rehearsals for Twelfth Night tonight. Same old table read game. It's a different take on it, a small cast meant to tour into schools. The educational program, the things we want the kids to think about, etc., is built into the production. Never worked this way, so we'll see how it goes. It's kind of a workshop, prototype presentation. Hopefully we'll get to perform, but you never know. Sigh.

Here's what I looked like the first time I did Twelfth Night:


I hope I look better in this one, although my propensity towards ugly hat and unflattering facial expressions bodes ill for that.

I still have writing deadlines. Still ignoring those.

I have blogged three days in a row and feel that deserves mention.

For Those Old Honky Tonk Monkeyshines

Wow, I was sitting here lamenting the fact that I don't have anything to blog about because I still have no camera and no life, and then I realized it was 1 a.m. on Sunday morning, right after SNL (Dana Carvey was pretty great tonight, I think), and I remembered that, once upon a time, I was on a TV show that aired at Sunday morning at 1 a.m.

True story.



I regret posting this even as I am typing this! I made my costume, can you tell? Wow. What a genius I am.

I had an overwhelming urge to get back into sketch, because tonight I was hit with the strongest urge to be on SNL I have had since I was 15. I really wanted to be on the show at that point. And before that, when I was like 10, I wanted to be the head writer of both SNL and 'Sesame Street'. I had some idea that they were within walking distance to each other, so I would work on Sesame in the mornings, then walk to NBC at like 5. I know I would be eaten alive in such a competitive, high pressure environment, as I often succumb to overwhelming pressure while, say, choosing a brand of juice to purchase, but when they bring the old guys like Dana Carvey and Jon Lovitz back, I am reminded of its hey day. And maybe they were all hepped up on drugs, and maybe they all hated each other when they weren't sleeping together, but there is still something so familial about a sketch group. I'm so naive. I will be eaten alive on the harsh city streets!



I CAN'T BELIEVE THESE ARE ALL ON YOUTUBE!

I'm such a horrific actor, it kind of makes me laugh.

I actually can't even watch these. But putting them up is making me laugh.



How is it even possible that, at one point in my life, I hopped on the GO train every weekend to go to Oshawa and film these? With people I didn't know? And then, how is it possible that they were played on Rogers? It's a mystery. Like the sphinx.

Man, I miss doing sketch so much. No, I really don't. I want to be a legitimate actor and be respected widely for my ease with classical text. But I also often want to dress up and be embarrassed. Luckily I do that in my regular life.

I Smile, I Grin, When the Girl with the Touch of Sin Walks In

So the thing that I couldn't talk about is still something that I can't talk about but it is GOOD and something GOOD came out of it!

So we're HAPPY!


Oh wait, that's not happy. That's frustration and puzzlement. Sometimes I get confused. AND THEN I GET FURIOUS!


THAT'S HAPPY!

That's also a terrible picture of me, but a damn good one of the bird. My camera is still broken, can you tell? These pictures are stock Jessica photos. That bird was heavy and had the sharpest claws. And yet he was obviously something of a delight!

I'm trying to be proud and happy about it, but that's hard for me. It still feels like things aren't happening enough, and now, and I want something to do nooowwwwwwww. But I'll start rehearsals for Twelfth Night with Humber River soon.

Whenever something kind of cool happens for me in the industry it feels like a victory for the underdog everywhere. It reminds me that things can really happen if you work hard, even though it takes so much rejection to get there. But the rejection is constant! Like I have something cool that is going to happen, and then I get rejected from some non-paying, one day affair that I didn't even audition for, and I still feel bad!

And then I get sad.


Oh why oh why must I have all the emotions at once?

But yay! Really!

The Last Thing They're After's a Litany of Woe

So I have been a dreadful blogger.

There are a few reasons for this.

1) My camera broke, and I think this blog is boring without pictures. My pictures are pretty terrible, but at least they are something, right? As much as I get so bored uploading pictures, I don't like my blog without pictures.

2) I am not doing anything that is related to acting right now, so I dont' think I have anything legitimately to say.

3) I don't FEEL like an actor right now, so all I want to do is whine.

Blah blah blah I go, all day long.

So I will buy a camera soon! And then take pictures!

I'm trying to make things happen, and little things are, I did another Sea Change for these awesome guys. I read this guy's play throat again. I love that play. It's lovely to read it. And I have things that I should be writing, although I don't have deadlines and I have the unfortunate habit of judging my writing before I finish it, which leads me to never complete any writing. This is a bad habit. I have so many writing bad habits! It is a wonder I'm even writing this!

And rehearsals will start soon, and I will find a project sooner rather than later, I know, I know, I know. I"m just terrible when I have nothing to love. I am like Elmyra in that way.



Well maybe Elmyra is worse when she has something to love. At least to the things she loves. Whatever, the analogy may not work, but I think we can all agree that Tiny Toons is amazing, even when reducing various cultures to mindless stereotypes and ripping off Walt Disney.

I've been seeing lots of theatre, which is good, I guess, but I am not seeing all of it and then I feel like, 'what am I seeing?' It's hard going to shows. It's such a nebulous tension with the community, knowing people and knowing they don't know me, seeing people who definitely know me and them not talking to me, it all feels very mindlessly political, like no one actually wants to be causing all this drama and we're all just here to see plays, but that things end up being political anyway. Accidental drama. I guess because we are all in the business of creating that, it is good that we are good at manufacturing it in our own lives. I have been accused of projecting things lately. I'm positive that I do, but it still isn't nice to be accused of anything.

J'ACCUSE!

Maybe there is no drama, maybe just no one cares about anyone, but that's sad in its own way, isn't it? That things just happen and there is no feeling behind anything.

Ok, so for next time, I am going to think of something really great to blog about in regards to my theatre 'career', and then I'll blog about it!

Strength Lies in Nights of Peaceful Slumbers

I had the scary thing. And it was ok. Not perfect. And I am agonizing over all the many ways in which it was not perfect. I have to move on and not think about it. I have to go Streisand all over that shit. Because you can only die once, right? Not true. You can die a million times a day, they might just not all kill you.

But overall, I think it was good. I'm trying to be objective and honest with myself, and as much as I'm obsessing, I think, overall, it was good. I was in the room for about seven minutes. It goes so quick. It's so much work for a minute that can never be perfect. I'm proud of myself but also mad at myself. But really, I was honest, I was prepared, and I did what I could, and that's all I can ever do, right?

I talked a lot to my friend who was talking about confidence. About going into the room and feeling like you earned the right to be there. That's difficult, and it's not permanent. But I did feel I earned my shot. And I took it.

AND NOW I CAN JUST BE ANXIOUS. Until Mr. Arnstein notices me!

Now I need a new project. What can I worry about now??????

It is the Music of a People Who Are Climbing T'wards the Light

Ok, so I have nothing to say. I just wanted to have a post on the first day of the year. I felt that would bode well for some reason. It does, right? Like...it bodes, at least. Maybe not well. But boding is better than not boding. Or foreboding. That's the worst!

I had such great plans and I thought they would start today but they're totally not starting today. Probably not tomorrow either. Let's hope for Monday.

The thing I can't talk about is tomorrow and it's scary. I really hope I can do it. I know I'm ready for it, it's just whether I prove that. It means a lot. Ay yi yi. I can do it. And if I can't, it won't be the end of the world. I hope. Argh. But I'll do it, so we don't need to worry about that.

Anyway....this is the most inspiring thing I know, in a lot of ways, so we can all watch it and cry at the constant spirit of the human race, and how we can all be bonded in ways that seem insignificant but strike to the quick of what we all need from the world. Oh....you're not crying?....Just me then? .....ok.