What's the right work to be doing?
Stuff in Toronto that doesn't pay but that people recognize, or stuff elsewhere that pays?
My own work that is representative of me and what I believe, or the plays that I love, that everyone loves, the stories we know?
What am I supposed to be fighting for?
It is not like I need an answer to these questions, as I don't have too much work right now...on the contrary, I am way way way understimulated and very worried about things and how they will shake down.
It's more that my rampant jealousy causes me to worry about what everyone else is doing, and sometimes I don't know if I care about their projects, or if I should care. Obviously I should stop worrying about everyone else but I HAVE TO BE ME.
I don't really have the option of planning what direction my career goes in, because right now I still just have to take whatever work is there, even if I don't feel so great about it, I have to be thrilled to be employed at all. But it is still something in the back of my mind that hums and buzzes.
What kind of actor do I want to be? EVERY KIND OF ACTOR.
I want to be at Stratford and Shaw, and star in my own one woman show, and create ensemble based theatre. I want to write and have my own company and direct and act. I want to run workshops and teach and play all the parts that I love.
Like Esther Greenwood, I am a true neurotic. I want everything, at once, all the time.
Hmm, maybe instead of this pointless discussion I should learn my lines or some sort of skill for my upcoming show. GOOD JOB, ME!
No comments:
Post a Comment