Buzz went very well.
I'm happy.
Well, as happy as I'll allow myself to be, which is not THAT happy.
When I was in it, I felt I was stunted and slow. I think sometimes that is actually me being in control, and I don't perceive it because my tendency is to be manic and want everything to be louder, faster, funnier. I thought I had lost my energy and was boring, but I also think there is power in stillness and surety: I just don't always think that I personally have that power.
But it was good.
Not enough people came, and not enough powerful people came in order to get it to the next level. It's frustrating. It's so much work, and it's good work, and as much as I believe in the play, I have fear that it's going to die at this level. That would be an incredible shame. It's a beautiful and exciting piece of work, and I think people would enjoy it. I don't know why a company doesn't see things that way.
I really tortured myself going into it. I was very nervous. I really want there to be a way to not have all those feelings. I can work through them, but it's just not fun enough to make me want to.
But hooray!
Now I just need to somehow hold on to these feelings....hmmm....
Oh wait, they're gone.
Ha ha ha!
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