Though I Practice Yoga, I Don't Breathe

More amazing pictures from Tanja Tiziana. I love these so much.

We opened the other night.

And it was rough.

But no one died.

This is the thing I have to keep reminding myself: no one died. No matter how bad the play is (and however bad the play is, it feels way worse when you are watching it from onstage or backstage and feeling each moment trickle out of you like some deformed baby you have brought into the world), it eventually ends and it isn't so bad. Because it's just a play. Not such a big deal.


ALTHOUGH EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS A BIG DEAL TO ME! BECAUSE I AM A BIG DEAL KIND OF GUY.

I'm not the best guy at being positive, I am more the kind of guy who immediately wants to surrender, after turning on every other member of my team. I panic. I don't usually jump ship, but I jump all the way around the ship, screaming, much to the disappointment of the other sailors.

So there were mistakes, but we lived to tell, and there will be new, worse mistakes tomorrow. But we dealt with missed entrances (VERY missed, actors not even backstage or aware the show was starting entrances), non existent props critical to the action, entire verses of songs forgotten, scenes not being changed, sets falling apart or not making it onstage, the piano getting unplugged....


I aged ten years backstage. I was pretty much in a Jessica Moss brand state of panic from beginning to end. I actually started thinking things would be ok, before the show I felt confident but then it all just derailed.

But again, no one died. So I have to stop mourning and fretting as if someone did.

And then we did the show again today, and it was so much improved. Really, we just needed a run in the space. And it's unfortunate that during these festivals, that happens often on opening night. And that just as often, opening night is reviewed. But one review came out and I actually think it is pretty fair, if not the best review. And the show today was much cleaner, and we can really only go up from here. With this show, I really hope we can get the 'stuff' cleaned up, all the exits and entrances and tech, because its silly and funny and who knows when I'll be in something silly and funny again.


I have to chill out. But how do you stop caring about something that is important to you? I feel a bit guilty because, as I have been told, everyone knows when I'm upset, and it's like a tidal wave of negativity that can bring others down. I don't mean to do that, but I'm capable of it, and when I get upset, I don't care so much, and just let that rip. And that's hard for other people. Especially people for whom this is just supposed to be fun, not a career.

But, and I said this earlier, its really only fun for me when we get to work really hard, and when I believe in the work. I've either got to figure this out, or I've got to only take projects that make me excited and will lead me to feel this way. That's difficult to predict though.

Anyway. I have some good news that I want to share but I can't yet, so I will later and that will keep me going.

And until then, I will just go on solving mysteries.