Tell Them How I am Defying Gravity

I took a workshop today.

That's kind of like work! The word 'work' is in 'workshop'!

Anyway, it is work. Right? Yes. I tell myself that I am doing the work that I need to be doing. Or at least some of it.

It was with Theatre Gargantua.

They do stuff like this.





This is actually one of the lifts we focused on today.

Lots of jumping and moving and sweating. Good stuff. I am, right now, so sickeningly bored of the gym, but I love working really physically. I am, I'm sure, pretty terrible at it, but I still like it. It's one of the only times where that is true, normally when I am bad at something I just want to quit.

It was actually a great workshop and I"m super glad I went. It was kind of nice to be reminded that I'm an actor (am I? We'll say ok), and to just be in the room doing stuff.

The focus was on how they work, which is a kind of different way of developing work. Not really different, I've done a lot of this stuff before, and when I dream of writing my collective about loneliness in Toronto I dream of creating in this kind of way. It would be so fun to do.... I hope I can work up the bravery to do it.

There was all this lifting/being lifted stuff today, and while I will lift anything and anyone, I have great fear of being lifted. But I think I am pretty brave with that stuff. Maybe I wasn't in theatre school, but now I feel quite fearless with that shit. I just go for it and fail and who cares? I am really awful at it but I just can't be bothered really. Because when I get bothered I am even worse: I am just dreadful.

It's weird that I can summon up that bravery to be embarrassed in a room of strangers (and not only strangers, other actors, and a company I am interested in one day working with), but don't have any bravery in actually making my own show which is what I'm desperate to do.

Hunger.