We Did What We Had To Do

Um, maybe I should learn my lines, right?

Or work on the project that I have the grant for....

Or work on the project that I have to do for writers circle....

Or even work on the projects that are buzzing around my head and are the things I actually want to be writing.

Or maybe I should just read The Hunger Games real quick.

THE HUNGER GAMES THE HUNGER GAMES OH MY GOD THE HUNGER GAMES.

I have a week of 'free time', because I am in grade four and still have 'free time'. Rehearsals start in a week, and let's just be honest, I am incredibly ill with nerves about it. I guess that is partly why I am not doing anything, because doing anything reminds me of how much more there is to do and how amazingly unprepared I am for all of it. The other reason I haven't worked on it is that there are lots of really wonderful things to do on the internet that involving the leaving of reality and the embracing of musical theatre.

So instead, I have mostly been listening to this on repeat:

(I prefer the original cast version, where Priscilla Lopez sings this and it is magic. But that wasn't on YouTube because everything is balls).

I HAVE TO DO THINGS AND I DON'T KNOW HOWWWWW.

LET'S JUST TALK ABOUT OUR FEEEEELINGS AND ART THAT WE WANT TO MAKE, AND IF WE TALK ABOUT IT ENOUGH WE CAN PUT OFF HAVING TO MAKE IT.

I think the reason that I am so put off by that impulse is because I have it incredibly strongly. It is equally repulsive and seductive. Doing nothing is the worst, but it is also the best.

As much as I'm aware that I am the only one responsible for my wrathful success or my miserable failure, it's a completely unmotivating prospect to actually change anything about it.

Thankfully, I just went to writers' club circle thing, and I have to present next time, which means in the next two weeks I have to start scary rehearsals and move forward with my show, and then it will be judged. So I have lots of scary stuff. Hopefully that motivates me to DO stuff.

I will! I promise!

And I promise that I'll get my camera and take more unflattering pictures of me and then this blog will be less boring because my ugly mug will be all over it, for your perusal and judgement.