In my Copy of a Copy of a Copy of Dior

It's causing me small amounts of distress that I don't blog seriously enough, or wittily enough, and no one reads it anyway, and it is just another project that I pour my heart into for nothing. So to combat that I have decided to not be precious and just write a little bit. Not a lot. But just something.

Someone I love very much was telling me how I have to let go of how important it is for me to be liked by others, and I understand that it's true but I also think it's like telling the tulips not to droop. You can do it, but they're going to droop anyway, so why not just enjoy the smell?

Not that I smell good. Actually, I do, I am a fairly good smelling person, I believe.

Because I am a pathetic girl who really, when I am being honest with myself, just wants to sing and dance in fabulous outfits, I often turn to musical theatre when I am feeling anything. (SIDE NOTE: I used to think I wanted to make 'important' theatre. And that I wanted to see 'important' theatre. When I was younger, this meant that if it made me laugh, or if it was frivolous and fun and footloose and fancy free, it could be enjoyed, but like champagne: sparingly and with a stiff upper lip. The sobriety of my youth now amuses me, even though I still loved musicals I wanted to be in Shakespeare and Chekhov and to write plays where people killed themselves and said things like, 'I have loved you.....always'. I still want to be in those things, and I still do write like that, but really, I want to do the things that I want to do in plays. That's why it was very important to me that the show I'm doing now end with a David Bowie song. The next thing I want to do is dress in a gold lame body suit and do an AMAZING interpretive dance to Meat Loaf's 'I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)'. Wouldn't you like to see that? I want to see shows that are people doing what they really want to do. I still want to be in Shakespeare and Ibsen, but more Meat Loaf bodysuit dancing, please. Copyright Jessica Moss, if you take that idea I will be so upset). And because I'm looking at a terrifying week full of things that I'm happy about but scared by, and worried about lots of things, and also just because it is the best and I listen to it often, I'm posting this:



I didn't discover Sweet Charity until recently, for some reason. I missed it in my musical adolescence. But it has become one of my favorites. I want to play her. I feel so much like her, and Shirley Maclaine is gorgeous, and there's so much hope in spite of the despair. It captures joy in the face of sadness so so so well, and it isn't cloying at all, or cutesy. It's quite gritty and honest, but still manages to smack of gumsmacking lipsmacking candy coated sass and glee.

I love it. I'm holding on to it. In the face of fear.

DANCE IT OUT LADEEEEZ.