Clear the Decks! Clear the Tracks! You've Got Nothing to Do But Relax

Of course, the trouble with having a blog about my acting career is, on the rare occasion that I have an acting career, I have no time to post anything about it.

I've been very theatrically busy. I mean that I've been busy working in theatre, not just been busy and being very theatrical about it, although that is probably the truth, too.

I have been spending my days rehearsing Tout Comme Elle, which is just a thing of beauty and a joy forever. This is the new eflier:

Lotsa chicks, no?

It's hard work, I feel quite tired by it, but it's also beautiful, sensitive, special work and I am learning a lot. It is a pretty amazing room to be in. It's full of people that I respect and that made me want to be a in Canadian theatre, and that is kind of crazy. It's almost non-acting....the director talks a lot about just being and doing, and not always having to show was tremendous actresses we are. Very simple, but very focused. It's hard. But not. You know? Man, that is such a pretentious asshole acting thing to say, but it really is the truth. There's an inclination to perform and show the depth of your talent at every moment, I have to work not to blow my wad all the time. Really, in life I'm like that too, I am so emotional and have such strong emotions that it's not a big deal for me to constantly be screaming, crying, shrieking, emoting. But this is something different. This is about core, and truth. Plus, everything you do is magnified by the fact that there are 49 other women doing the same thing. So I have to relax and let go and let it all come up roses.

Really, it's just an amazing learning experience about how to work. Brigitte (director) says we have to be like sand, we contribute to the beach, but we work on perfecting our own grain. I'm trying to not worry about others, to not tell anyone what to do or ask many questions that slow us down, or that I can find the answer to after. That's an ego thing. It's difficult to not think that what you are doing is the most important thing, but in this case (and probaby all the others) it really is the truth.

The best part about it being a learning experience is that everyone is learning. There are real pros here, and they are figuring it out too. Marjorie Chan, this writer/actress that I am a huge fan of, was talking to me about her experience the other day, and she said that having experience gives you confidence when you go into a room, but every project is different and you are always working on figuring out how to do the work. That never goes away. It's humbling and comforting at the same time.

So anyway, it has been amazing and I am grateful. And the cast is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.

And then, in the middle of that, last Saturday night this happened:


That's my show Modern Love at Canadian Stage. Photo by Claire Calnan.

I did it and it went well. I was happy. I miss doing it. I am excited to do it again one of these days, maybe. The issue now becomes a) holding on to all the good work and good feedback we got, and b) thinking about what happens next. We have done an application. We will continue to think about other places that we can do it. I don't know. Where does the work go? Do you just do it and let it evaporate?

I also wrote that Sonnet Show play and did some stuff for other shows that I'm working on. I have felt a bit split, a bit busy, but really it is all just great. I'm grateful to be this tired, because it's good tired....the kind of tired that comes from being really invigorated and working on things you care about. As opposed to the fatigue I would feel when I worked at the ROM for two days and just wanted to cry. I'm trying to not let myself get worried about it ending, because there will always be more to look forward to, and all that, but it's so frustrating that in anything beautiful are the seeds that it has to end. DON'T THINK LIKE THAT!

Things are good, yes? Yes.