Remember Mediocrity is Not a Mortal Sin

OH. MY. LANTA.

Here are some embarrassing pictures of me:




And here are some embarrassing confessions:
1) I have remained relatively faithful to the terrible television show 'Survivor' since its inception, missing only a handful of seasons. I have recently taken to REWATCHING entire seasons from years ago, in the privacy of my bed.
2) I'm often eating jelly beans while I do this.
3) Therefore, there are lots of jelly beans in my bed.

NONE OF THESE, however, is as embarrassing as the HIDEOUSLY EMBARRASSING AUDITION I just survived.

I used to think that I was funny. I used to think that I had some ability to do 'improvisation'. I now know that these are not true, because I auditioned for the Second City and it was horrible.

I am just not an improviser anymore. It's weird, at one point that is the direction that I thought I wanted to go in, and I was told by an agent that she wanted me if that is the way I was willing to go. But I was really bad at it! I just haven't used those muscles in such a long time. I'm not really that bummed....It isn't what I do anymore, so it was just an experience, but it's brought up two points of contention:

1) Am I funny?
2) Should I get back into doing this? This would mean putting in a lot of time and money to doing Second City classes and focusing on that.

At one point I wanted to be on SNL, and that has kind of been reinvigorated because I kind of want to be Tina Fey. But I'm not sure. Wow, this was bad. I don't even know if I have the basic skills anymore. No, that's not true, I'm pretty sure I do. I just don't know whether it's something I want to work at. Especially to the extent I would have to work on it in order to be as good as I would want to be.

I have been stinking up auditions lately. I've been on a run of not great experiences. It is probably payment for the general feeling of confidence (hubris?) that I was feeling two weeks ago. I've had to be reminded that I'm not that talented, and not doing that well. Sigh. It kind of sucks! Hopefully now something good will happen and things will swing my way. It really only takes one good thing to make me feel like there is a possibility of success. But at the same time, one bad auditions really grinds my gears. Ugh.

The most important thing now, of course, is to rally, think about the good stuff I have coming up, and how much I have to do, and work on the stuff that will make me better and not think for a second about the places that aren't so into me. That's hard, but not as impossible as it used to be. Actually, this horrible audition story is kind of funny. That's the worst audition I've ever had! Like, it wasn't soooo bad.....I lived through it!

Wow, there's a lot of embarrassing pictures of me on the Internet.