I"m Reviewing the Situation

It's over now.

Sigh.

This show was very fun.


Jennifer, who played Alice, introduced me to this way of measuring what you're doing. And while it isn't always helpful to qualify and quantify everything, this can be a way to know if you're on the right track. A job should fill your wallet, advance your career, or feed your soul. If it does none of those, don't bother. If you have all three, well, it's a dream.

This kind of filled all three.


'Fill your wallet' should really mean a lot of money, and I did not make that, but really just getting paid to act is still pretty thrilling. I wonder when that novelty will wear off. Probably ungratefully soon. But it is great to be on contract. It is amazing to just be an actor for a bit. 'Advance your career': yes. This was a great regional contract. A pretty big one. Lots of really amazing actors work there. 'Feed your soul', well, I fucking loooove Alice. And this was the kind of stuff I love: physical, clown-y. At one point I was directed to act like a cartoon. That's my kind of play.


And now it's done and I have to wage a battle against feeling empty and sad. It doesn't get easier. My heart just breaks and it's going to break again and again, and I'm always thinking of all the things that might have been and never were and they're all gone with the wind because there's nothing to hold on to in the theatre. Only the memories and the dreams.

But it's all good.


There will be other things. I hope them and will bring them into being with my hope. UGH I HATE THE SECRET.

The new things are coming (some...not enough). And I will get through them, even the ones that I'm scared of, and I'll have new things pop up that I don't even know about yet, and they'll all be great.

And my next job will fill my wallet, advance my career, and feed my soul.

FUCKING YES, OPTIMISM!


Cute bunch, eh? I am seriously only in theatre to get close to the good looking people.