No, not really. But I fell down and went BOOM. And then went to the hospital.
And then got these amazing bruises:
Tough, yes? THEY CALL ME ANIMAL.
And have been doing the show for the last two performances in a walking cast. It really helps me feel more self-conscious and less like a human being who anyone would ever date or put in their play, thanks for asking!
Yipes. I fell coming out of a play set in a church. I KNEW THE THEATRE AND ORGANIZED RELIGION WOULD BE THE ONES TO BRING ME DOWN. Ugh.
It's more embarrassing than anything else. Feeling incapable is rotten. I feel incapable because it happened in the first place. I fell in front of people I know and theatre people I want to impress, and that's kind of the worst. This kind of thing always happens to me and feeds the image I ahve of myself as this hapless and hopeless child/muppet creature. And then I have spent three days asking people to carry things for me and walk slowly because of me and we all know that my combination egomania/crippling self doubt generally make demanding anything of anyone impossible.
The amazing things have been two fold. a) The show survives. More than survives. It's a cute addition to my character when it is visible or mentioned, and then it's not really important when it isn't. I hurt doing the show....there's a part where we sway and it's not fun anymore, when before it was my favorite piece of the play, and it's just because it's hard to sway on one leg. But it's a physical piece, and I'm not as good as I normally am at being physical, and it doesn't matter. It definitely isn't ruining anything. Thank Allah.
Biggest house yet the first night I had to do it in the cast. That's the line up of people waiting to get in. We are close to selling out, and I desperately want it to happen. So it continues to go well and I continue to be proud of it.
b) The cast (the human one, not the one that makes me MORE MACHINE THAN MAN), has been incredibly supportive
It's such a nice bunch. Everyone has been really helpful and kind. Having done two big ensemble shows back to back, and developing such a bond both times with people has made me want to work this way over and over again. It's kind of the worst, because you just fall in love with everyone and then the show is done and they go back to their lives and you don't know if they ever really cared the way you did, because maybe it was just another thing for them, and while you still share something between you when you run into each other on the TTC or in a line up for another play, it's weird to not still be living in the same place together. But it's so exciting to be in big groups of people, to fill stages with people that it's almost worth how sad you get when you're alone in the end.
Almost.
I've been humbled by everyone's support. I don't know how supportive I am as a scene partner or cast member. I used to think I was, but I was not great during the beginning part of this process. I resisted and rejected the show. I was really hard to work with. And I still have problems because I'm bossy and have ideas that I think are the best because they come from my brain, and cry all the time and am essentially impossible. I have so much to work on.
Now, I know you will be wondering, 'Jessica, has this injury got in the way of your 'party all the time' lifestyle?'
NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST!
SWOON ON ICE (PACK)!
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