I Play it the Company Way

I'm doing training at a new joe job and it is quite terrifying. It has made a few things really scarily plain.

1) I am dangerously close to having theatre be the only thing that I can actually do. Someone recently said to me, after I mentioned people feeling like they 'need' to be actors, said that no one needs to be an actor. They said that's a silly thing artistic people tell themselves so they don't have to get real jobs. But, he said, at a certain age, you do need to be an actor, because its all you have done and all you can do. I think that age was probably about 60.....but....apparently I am veering towards that cut off. Just one more thing I have in common with seniors, really. I just want to wear ill-fitting pants and for the damn kids to turn their music down. And eat dinner at 4 and fall asleep at 6. And tell everyone my opinions all the time, regardless of political correctness or current topic of discussion.

Anyway, that's scary. I have been walking around wondering 'Whatever will become of me?' like the heroine of a gothic-romance novel that I am. I do this wearing a high-necked dress and clutching flowers on moors.

But I am worried. Where did my skills go? I did so much school....where are the skills?? Could it be that getting by on my smart-mouth and ability to convince teachers to let me do creative interpretations of assignments has actually led me down a path of ill-repute? Could it be I should have learned to count and drive a car and dress myself, instead of getting so damn good at crying at the drop of a hat? It couldn't be....but COULD IT?

2) Balancing a career where you actually make money and a career where you are paid in self-fulfillment and the realization of dreams is very difficult. A balance between both is necessary to my happiness, but its a very very tenuous balance to reach.

3) I am the worst at cash. Worst!!!

4) The Oscars were boring....ok, I realized that after work. But still!